Jesus is Still the One

Three years ago my earthly father met my heavenly father.  I wish I could have witnessed that moment,  the moment when he first met Jesus.  Can you imagine?!  My dad loved his Savior so much, and I can just see the smile that spread across his face when he came into the presence of the Lord.  Just to think about it makes me long for Heaven that much more!!  That day cannot come soon enough for myself.

My dad, Kevin, left so much for his family to remember him by.  He left so many wonderful memories, pictures, writings, books, word of encouragement, and advice I still need to follow.  One thing he left that has touched many lives was his testimony.  I have never shared it online, and thought now would be the perfect time to do so!  It is so good to be reminded that Jesus is still the one.

Jesus is Still the One: Kevin W. Johnson's Testimony from J. Jill on Vimeo.

This Girl's Best Friend

My mom: she's my rock, my biggest fan, and not just a wise advice giver...but my friend.  I thought I'd share this poem that I wrote for my mom several years ago after my first year of college.  The words still ring true to this day.  How thankful and blessed I am to have a true "Proverbs 31" woman as a daily example in my life.  Happy Mother's Day, everyone!

"This Girl's Best Friend"

Growing up and moving away

Pursuing my dreams

Who taught me I could do anything?

My best friend, my mom

Loving me through my mistakes

First boyfriends and first breakups

Clothes, shopping, hair, and makeup

Who showed me beauty is found on the inside?

My best friend, my mom

Learning through faith

Gaining a brother

Strength of mercy was shown

Where did my compassionate heart come from?

My best friend, my mom

Playing horrible in a basketball game

Friends at school making fun of me

Making a bad grade in algebra

Where did my encouragement come from?

My best friend, my mom

Dressing Barbies, giving baths, cooking "little pizzas"

Always there to put The Little Mermaid in the VCR

Taking pictures of me in mini skirts, taking pictures of me...period

Who spoiled me rotten and is now paying for it?

My best friend, my mom

Sunday school and children's church

Easter egg hunts and Christmas plays

How did I learn that the joy of Jesus is "down in my heart?"

My best friend, my mom

"Rocking big" every night

Never forgetting my pillow-blanket

Changing diapers and Cabbage Patch doll clothes

Who was there right from the start?

My best friend, my mom

Two Years Closer

Snow Day, Winter '95

My dad went to his heavenly home two years ago today. At times my memory takes me back to that cold night, to that small intensive care room and I feel like it was only moments ago that I last saw his sweet face say goodbye. Other times the two years since his passing seem like decades, or centuries even, when I long to hear his voice or feel his big, strong arms hug me tight.  I miss those hugs.  I miss him.

So much of what I’ve written about regarding my dad has revolved around his sickness and death.  But my dad was so, so much more than his sickness.  I’ve written about what a blessing it was to be his daughter and he really was such a godly father, such a wise counselor.  But you know what, he had a great personality, too.  He was really funny and he loved to laugh...I think at me more than just about anything.  One of the things I miss the most about him is how he would get so cracked up at something I said, not even meaning to be funny.  I miss making him smile.  

And with all things I remember about him, I refuse to let my dad’s life here be reduced to a memory in my mind.  Once his soul left this earth it did not disappear or become one with the universe.  He isn't walking around re-birthed as someone else. He is in a real place, doing real things with other real people, waiting on their resurrected bodies together.  He is not my guardian angel, or my protector, or watching over me.  But he IS with Jesus, and someday I will be, too.  I believe that, and I want to live my life like I do.  Sometimes it is so hard to grasp the reality of Heaven when my limited, earthly mind tries to comprehend.  I pray this year I do a better job of that.

Throughout the last few years I have learned that God’s blessings are not always answered prayers.  Even when God says “no” to one prayer, much of the time He gives us blessings we never even knew to ask Him for.  One of the most important things I’ve learned is how to love your family.  A word to all of the daughters: love your daddies.  Hug them like you never want to let them go because someday you just might have to.  Respect him; listen to his wise counsel.  And as cliche as it sounds, you really are never too old to be his little girl.  To all of the wives:  cherish your husbands. Love them, honor them, submit to their godly leadership because someday it might be taken from you.  To all of the daddies: be the kind of husband to your wife that your daughter would want to marry someday.  Be the kind of father today that you want your children to remember when you are gone.  Because tomorrows always come too soon, and when they do, you can’t ever get them back.

It may be two years since I’ve seen him, but I’m just two years closer to seeing him again.  I know I’ll be with him soon.  I believe.

Just Believe

Photo by me.  Pretty please don't use without permission.  Thanks!

I believe 2012 is going to hold great things.  Just believe.

The First Year

On January 13,2010, my father met Jesus. I wish I could create new words to describe the early morning hours before his death. Yet, words seem trite, trivial, and almost empty compared to the actual feeling of watching the man who gave me everything, leave everything behind. The last month of my dad’s life was heart wrenchingly long and filled with torment. After 4 ½ years of fighting an illness that even the best physicians in the world could not decipher, he “finished the race.” My dad, Kevin, a lifelong athlete with no health issues, developed severe heart failure due to unknown causes in October of 2005. He received his first heart transplant in June of 2006, but a few months later his new heart began to fail. Perplexed doctors could still not find the cause for his heart failure, and Dad was again placed on the transplant list. He received his second heart transplant in February 2007. After his third heart started to fail later that year, Dad was finally diagnosed with a very rare blood disease, Light Chain Deposition Disease. He underwent two separate autologous stem cell transplants in July 2007 and September 2009. His third heart had recovered full function in December 2009 when he developed a rare blood condition known as TTP. He died from infection only weeks later.

During the trials that the past few years brought my family, I have come to realize what matters most in life. I found that we, as fallen humans, cannot fully appreciate the blessings that God gives us until we endure the trials He ordains for us. Christ never promised his believers an earthly life full of health and prosperity. Peter states in his first letter in chapter 1 verses 6 & 7: “In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”

Trials brought us closer to the body of Christ. Throughout the trials my family experienced the love of the body of Christ like never before, stretching beyond my local church, across denominational lines, and around the world. Through Facebook hundreds of people received daily updates in my Dad’s final days, letting them know how best to pray for his health and our family’s spiritual well being. Emails from California, messages from Michigan, phone calls from China, and prayer vigils in the Dominican Republic all reflected the greatness of God’s hand in our suffering. Trials allowed us, as Christians, to see the sinfulness of life on Earth, and long for our eternal home in Heaven. Trials revealed the true faith of my family--not to God, who in His omniscience already knew our hearts; our faith was revealed to ourselves and to those watching us. I found I am much worse than I ever thought I was, but serve a Savior who is much better than I could ever imagine. Although the pain from losing my father can at times be crippling to my spirit, I know that I would not know Jesus the way I do now without experiencing those dark times.

With a life-long passion for writing, I’ve documented much of my life in prayer journals. During the last 6 months of my dad's life I kept a Facebook group "Praying for Kevin" to update those concerned about his health condition. Since Facebook is archiving their groups, all my my updates will soon disappear. The ones below describe my family's journey through the first year after our loss.













January 12 at 11:24pm


The first year. It doesn’t seem possible, but it’s true. Last year at this moment we were saying goodbye. To our husband, dad, brother, son, best friend. To our spiritual leader, our mentor, our go to man. We spoke to him for the last time he was awake on this day. Although he could not voice his own words, his eyes told us so much. He loved us, he didn’t want to leave us, but he knew his fight would soon be over, and he was ready to sit at the feet of Jesus.

Today my dad is with his Savior. He has the answer to all his questions about life and the Bible. He not only knows that God’s ways our higher than are own, but he can now see the big picture that is so hard for us to grasp on earth. And while we are left with our limited knowledge and our unanswerable questions, we have faith that someday our lives will be made whole on that glorious day when we see the Lord face to face. That day can’t come soon enough for us!

So, so much of our lives have changed because of losing my dad. Dad will never again call on his way home to ask my mom what’s for dinner. He will never take another family walk to the old barn on our hill that he loved so well. I will never again get to help him pick his fantasy football team (which consisted of him giving me a choice of several equally good players, and me picking the most “interesting” name of the bunch). No more Friday night movies with my mom or praying together before bedtime. He will never again help Caleb with his math or love on his favorite dog, Pixie. Never again we will hear him sing along to the radio or talk on the phone to his brother. No more old basketball stories, or candid photos, or late night talks about life. We just miss him. And we will continue to miss him until we see him again. 

For those that knew my dad personally, they would tell you that he was such an encourager. Being my dad, I went to him for advice in every area of my life, but so did many, many others. He was such a good listener, and while he was positive, he was also very truthful, always giving such godly counsel to those who sought him out. Throughout my life he would leave me notes here and there to encourage me. I kept many of them, and reading through the notes a few weeks ago I found one that spoke to me even now. The note was written when I was in high school and he had left it before going on one of his many trips to the Dominican Republic. In the note he wrote, “I am counting on you to help Mom and Caleb while I am gone. Evaluate everything you do in light of eternity.” Reading that note, tears streamed down my face because I knew that is what he would say to me today. 

Living through his sickness and death, our family now has a more eternal perspective. We look more forward to Heaven and have learned to not take our lives here for granted. We have learned that Christ provides for us in ways that we could never imagine. We still grieve, but Christ gives us joy in our sadness. On the last page of my dad’s journal I found a quote he had written amidst the other random notes there. I’m not sure if it was something he heard someone else say, or if it was his own quote. But at the top of the page Dad wrote, “God did not promise us we would enjoy life. He said we would have joy while we suffer for Him.” 

The night my dad was dying, his best friend from the Dominican was on the phone with him. I’m not sure what Jay said to my dad that night, but Dad could not respond verbally. So he wrote in his shaky handwriting the last words he said to his friend, “We can give Him nothing” (Him being the Lord). I know the only thing I have to offer my Lord is my life. We really can give Him nothing else, can we?

I ask you for your continued prayers for my family. Thank you for grieving with us over the last year and for sharing a love for the man that has left such a void in our lives. He wasn’t perfect by any means, but he really was a special servant that was a man after God’s own heart. We hope that through these updates you have seen the Lord work in our lives, and that you have been blessed by a man named Kevin, who never wanted it to “be about him.” We love you, we can never thank you enough, and with this first year coming to an end we say farewell to our updates. 

I will leave you, dear friends, with a song that has spoken to me over the last few months. I pray that it speaks to you as well.

It is Not Death to Die by Sovereign Grace Music

It is not death to die
To leave this weary road
And join the saints who dwell on high
Who’ve found their home with God
It is not death to close
The eyes long dimmed by tears
And wake in joy before Your throne
Delivered from our fears

O Jesus, conquering the grave
Your precious blood has power to save
Those who trust in You
Will in Your mercy find
That it is not death to die

It is not death to fling
Aside this earthly dust
And rise with strong and noble wing
To live among the just
It is not death to hear
The key unlock the door
That sets us free from mortal years
To praise You evermore

O Jesus, conquering the grave
Your precious blood has power to save
Those who trust in You
Will in Your mercy find
That it is not death to die


Kevin Wade Johnson 
July 14, 1963 – January 13, 2010







December 12 at 11:20pm

Can it really be that is has already been a year ago since Dad was hospitalized for the final time? At this point last year he was fighting so hard for the life that was ultimately taken from us. He was transported from one hospital to another, where doctor after doctor tried to make since of what was going on inside his body. There were days he knew us, and more days that he did not. He was slowly taken from us, and even though we had four years to prepare ourselves, I am sure that no one is truly ready to let go of a loved one. It is difficult for us to go back and visit the final memories we have of Dad because they are so painful. It is so much more healing to remember who he was beyond the disease, the transplants (heart & stem cell), and the entire sickness—how God used Dad during his time here on Earth and how the Lord is still using his testimony. 

Of course, this month is particularly difficult for us because of Christmas. Last year we put up our tree a week before he was hospitalized. I remember he watched us from his recliner in the living room and told us what a pretty sight it was to see his family putting up the tree. He added the star on top when we were finished, and I know that every time I look at our star, I will think of that moment. This year we put up the tree for the first time without him watching, and it was so much more difficult than I would have ever thought it would be. It is strange which moments are difficult and sad for us, because they are unpredictable. The smallest thing, like smelling a particular men’s shaving cream can, at times, bring more tears than family gatherings. 

Despite Dad’s absence we had blessed Thanksgiving. It was good to spend time with family and it reminded us of how much we still have to be thankful for. The most difficult time was not when we were all together eating, laughing, and talking, it was coming home to our cold, empty house. When the busyness of the holiday was over was when the sadness set in. Since we didn’t celebrate Christmas last year due to our circumstances, we are trying to make this Christmas as special as possible. Although I know it will not be easy, it will be one of the most memorable Christmases for our little family. One of Dad’s favorite musicians was Steven Curtis Chapman, and on his Christmas album Steven has a song written about his grandmother who died around Christmastime. With the lyrics changed to fit gender, I feel it is the perfect description of Dad’s first Christmas in Heaven.

“And now he’s home for Christmas and now he’s home to stay;
He’s home for Christmas, and nothin’ could’ve kept him away.
He’ll be face to face with Jesus, as we celebrate His birth,
And this gift will be worth more to him than anything on earth.
He’s home, he’s home for Christmas.”

The last Christmas we all celebrated together was 2008. Dad had just got his new Blackberry and was learning how to send out text messages. I remember helping him send out a mass text message that he had saved on his phone. It said, “Merry Christmas. The promise and glory of God is Jesus. He is the only hope!!!!!! KJ.” How true those words are, and how blessed Dad is that he sits at the King’s feet in all His glory this day. 

Thank you all so much for your prayers and for your encouragement. Please continue to remember us during the next month, as it will be the hardest yet. At times it is almost unfathomable to think Caleb and I no longer have our daddy, and that my mom no longer has her husband and best friend. But we have been reminded over and over that we don’t know the whole story, and that God’s ways are so much higher than our own. We love you all.

Jill & Tammy

“Oh, the depths of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who became His counselor? Or who has first given to Him that it might be paid back to Him again? For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever. Amen.” Romans 11:33-36






November 13 at 3:01am


There are so many little things that have happened in the last 10 months since my dad went to be with the Lord that I wish I could tell him about. I wish I could tell him that we named our sweet puppy from Pixie’s litter, Honey Bear. I wish I could tell him that his little boy finally got braces last week! I wish I could tell him how much I miss seeing his name show up on cell phone caller ID. I wish I could tell him how quiet it seems in our corner of church when we sing because his voice is missing. I wish I could tell him all about the birthdays we’ve had, and the one we wished we could have celebrated. So many little things, and a few big ones, too. Someday I will be able to tell him, but for now, I pray that the Lord will let him know all he needs to know about us while we wait to see each other again.

We anticipate the next few months will be particularly hard for us as we go through the holidays without my dad. Last year we got to celebrate our last Thanksgiving with him as he was recovering from a stem cell transplant and actually doing very well. The weekend after Thanksgiving we decorated the Christmas tree together for the last time. Within a week, he had developed a fever and was hospitalized a week after that. He never even knew when Christmas came and passed in the hospital. As we go throughout this holiday season it will be difficult for us to not relive each day as it happened last year. We want to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas remembering the life that we so loved, not the suffering. Please pray we are able to focus on the good times that we had with my dad instead of reliving his sickness.

An exciting event is happening in our family the day after Thanksgiving, and I know Dad would have wanted to see it! My dad’s parents, Delmas and Betty, are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary on November 26th! What a beautiful family they had together and what a faithful testament to God’s love!! 

I also want everyone to know that the foundation that Dad’s boss, Robert Foster, wanted to start in honor of him has now been officially launched. Herb Wilson, one of my dad’s good friends and former co-workers is a full time evangelist for the Kevin Wade Johnson Foundation. He is a wonderful preacher and man of God and I encourage everyone to hear him speak if he visits a church near you. The foundation website is www.kwjfoundation.org and there you can find more information about the foundation, as well as Herb’s speaking schedule. A facebook group (please join!!!) and twitter page (you should follow!) have also been created and those links are on the official website as well. 

Once again, for the 10th month running now, I thank all of you for the prayers and sweet messages of encouragement that you send our way. Some days are worse than others in our grief, but the Lord is providing His mercies new for us each and every day. The Lord Jesus is our salvation; He is our only hope for truly living in this life, or the next. We love you all!!!

Jill and Tammy

"Behold, God is my salvation;
I will trust, and will not be afraid;
for the LORD GOD is my strength and my song,
and He has become my salvation."
--Isaiah 12:2






October 13 at 12:29am


The book of Ecclesiastes states in chapter 3 that, “There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for ever event under heaven.” As hard as this is to grasp, I know that the day of my dad’s death was no surprise to the Lord. It was his time. I wish his time on earth had been extended, but for whatever reason, that was not in the ordained will of God. Nine months later, we still wake up to a house with missing pieces. A missing voice, missing warmth, a missing life. But we do not want to miss what our Lord is telling us during this time. As our little family is learning to go on, we are learning to be still. We are learning to know that HE is God. 

In the past month Dad’s headstone came in. It’s very beautiful, and very fitting, considering he was such a man of the Word. A Bible is placed on top of a heart shape. The verse on the Bible is the one that spoke to Dad so clearly during his sickness. It is 2 Chronicles 16:9, “For the eyes of the Lord roam to and fro throughout the whole earth to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him.” I’m so glad we could honor his life with such a wonderful monument.

On September 13, exactly 8 months after Dad passed, his favorite dog, Pixie had 4 sweet, little puppies. All girls. All so cute we could just eat them up! They are Havanese. 2 black and white ones, one that is brown, black and white, and one that is white with a tan eye and a black ear. Dad had always wanted Pixie to have a litter and we are so excited to finally be experiencing it. About a week ago I was cleaning out some folders when I found a piece of paper with dog names on it. It was from right after we had gotten Pixie, over 3 years ago, and the whole family had been brainstorming on which name for our little puppy. It has my, Mom’s, and Dad’s handwriting all over it. Mom and I have looked through the list of names and decided to name the puppy that we keep from Pixie’s litter one of the names that Dad had written down, so that it would be like he was naming it. We are leaning pretty heavily towards Honey Bear. 

Caleb’s birthday was another first milestone for us. He turned 11 years this past Sunday. He had a great birthday with family and friends and we are so thankful to those who have stepped in to help make Caleb’s life a little easier (and more fun, too!). It was a Tom and Jerry themed party with an unbelievably delicious cake that was awesomely decorated, to boot! It was the first birthday of Caleb’s since 2004 when his daddy hasn’t been sick. It is so sad for us to know that Caleb really doesn’t remember Dad before he became sick. I have years of healthy memories of my dad that I will always cherish, but it’s hard to know that Caleb does not and that it’s something he’ll never have. However, We are so grateful that we can tell Caleb that his dad is not sick anymore!

I want to once again thank everyone who continues to pray for us. I know I say it every month, but your prayers mean more to us than you will ever know. Moments when I am smiling and laughing I’ve often thought, “I know that some of my joy comes from those who are remembering us in prayer.” Without the Lord, our future would be bleak. But I know that really, without the Lord, anyone’s future is pretty bleak. Returning to Ecclesiastes, “I know that everything God does will remain forever; there is nothing to add to it and there is nothing to take form it, for God has so worked that men should fear Him. That which is has been already and that which will be has already been, for God seeks what has passed by.” Found in 3:14-15.

Love to you all,

Jill and Tammy







September 13 at 12:09am


Eight months is a long time to not see or hear from someone. Especially when that person was someone you saw or at least talked to everyday. The worst part about the fact that it has been 8 months since Dad passed is not necessarily the last 8 months; it’s knowing there are 8 more ahead without him, and 8 more after that, and 8 more after that, unless the Lord decides to take us home one way or another. I know Dad is awestruck in the presence of God and he wouldn’t trade it for another day on this Earth. But I miss him for myself, and for my mom and Caleb, and for the others that I know loved him so well. 

This past week we traveled to and from the Dominican Republic to visit our friends Jay and Mely Munoz, and help a bit with their ministry. Jay’s ministry, The Timothy Project, trains up pastors and workers in the ministry from the local towns and villages in which they plant churches. Each pastor is supported by a group of people from Arkansas who have been involved with this ministry for some time now. My family supports Benito, who is getting married to Mayra in a few weeks. The apartment he lives in is above the church he pastors, and it needed a lot of renovations. A group from our church went down to complete the renovations and it was quite an amazing time that we had! Mom and I helped Mely, Mayra, and her friends decorate the apartment once the construction was almost complete. Despite the language barrier (I really, really need to learn Spanish!) I felt like we grew closer to this group of ladies as we enjoyed our time together. Mom is posting pictures of the trip (and before and after photos of the apartment) on facebook so I will try to send a link so that everyone can view them. The Lord really blessed our trip, and we thank those of you who lifted us up in prayer during that time!

Caleb and I are starting school back this week. It’s his 5th grade year and I believe we are both ready for more routine in our lives! I am going to be his homeschool teacher for this year to help Mom out and to give myself time to finish my Master’s degree without the pressure of a full time job (although, I must say, homeschooling seems like a full time job!). Also, within the next few days we will have our first litter of Havanese puppies from Dad’s favorite dog, Pixie. So this week holds lots of excitement for the Johnson household! 

Please continue to pray for us. We have our good days, our bad days, and then our really bad days, but Christ sustains us through them all. Thank you all again for your sweet prayers; they definitely make a difference in our lives!

"I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?' Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. "You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.' My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you."
Job 42:2-5







August 12 at 11:30pm

After 7 months, we still miss him, maybe more than we did after the first month. It just seems so long since we’ve seen him…we have to keep reminding ourselves that each day is one day closer to our eternal home in Heaven. 

We had some fun times in the last month going to San Antonio for a PBR (pro bull riding) event with our cousins (thanks Keith and Gaila!). But we’ve faced some hard times as well. Dad’s birthday was the 14th of July. Our good friend Jay from the Dominican texted us and told us, “Kevin is not 47 today; he is eternal!” What a neat way to remember that our years here on Earth are so very temporary, and all of our lives are as a vapor. A very hard day for my mom in particular was August 7, which would have been her and my dad’s 29th wedding anniversary. I think it was probably the hardest day for her yet, because it was a special day that only they shared together, and the person she shared it with is no longer with her. What a beautiful marriage they shared with one another, and also with Caleb and me. I know if I am to marry in the future I will be a better wife for having watched my parents love each other the way Christ commands in His Word. My mom and I were so thankful for the role that Dad played in our lives…he was our protector, provider, her husband, and my dad. Although we are spiritually secure, we at times feel unsecure because my dad’s physical presence is not here to protect us. It’s something that I never realized was so important, and it is still shocking at times for us to feel “unsafe.” 

Although we do have to think about the future and what may lie ahead for us, we can only plan so much. One thing my family has come to realize throughout Dad’s sickness and through his death is that no matter how much we plan, how much we prepare for the future, everything can change with one heartbeat. So we take our lives one day at a time, living with the mercy that God provides for that day, and that day only. We pray about the future, and rely on the Lord to give us what we need. We still get phone calls from various companies or telemarketers who will ask for Kevin Johnson, and of course we say he’s deceased. When we were gone one day and my grandparents were keeping Caleb, he answered the phone as a telemarketer called and asked for Dad. Caleb replied, “No, my Dad’s not here. He’s in Heaven.” How very true that is!

This next month we will be going to the Dominican Republic to visit our friends and help prepare a home for one of the pastor’s in Jay’s ministry. This pastor, Benito, will be getting married in October and his apartment that he lives in above the church he pastors needs much renovation. Please pray for our safety on this trip and that God will provide a time of fellowship for us. 

Thank you all once again, for all the prayers you have prayed on our behalf. We just cannot thank you enough and ask that you continue to pray that Jesus will comfort us during our grief and that the Holy Spirit will give us wisdom in all decisions we make throughout this year. We love you all!

“In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”
1 Peter 1:6-7

P.S. For those of you who are not Facebook friends with us, you can visit my blog at threeheartsfull.blogspot.com to watch a video that I made for my mom for her and Dad’s anniversary.







July 12 at 11:30pm


It’s almost impossible to believe that it’s been six months since my dad went to be with Jesus. The time has passed so quickly in a way, yet it seems so long since we’ve seen him. Each day is hard, and some days are harder than others, but we’ve not lost our hope that the Lord will eventually provide better days for our family.

This past month has brought so much for us. Father’s Day was very difficult, as I expected that it would be. But we got to spend it with my dad’s dad, which was nice for all of us. Mom’s birthday was this past Saturday, and as hard as it was for her to not have her husband, she was able to smile. Her cousins threw her a surprise birthday party, which was so sweet of them! (Thanks again, Gaila and Wayna!) 

As we mentioned last month, we went to Palm Springs, CA, for the Resolved Conference to see John MacArthur and other preachers. What a blessing, and what an amazing time Mom and I had! Before we left I wrote a letter in hopes of getting it to John MacArthur, telling him how the Lord had used his ministry during the past 5 years, and how important his sermons and resources had been to my dad. Our hopes were just for him to receive the letter; and we had no idea how the Lord would orchestrate our trip around this! 

As we arrived at the airport in Little Rock, we printed off our tickets and realized our first flight was already delayed. Knowing we would miss our next connecting flight, we had to reschedule for a later flight out of Dallas to Palm Springs. We were so frustrated because we knew we were going to be late for the beginning of the conference. After finally arriving in Dallas, we noticed that the next flight was delayed as well, so that we would be even later. Walking through the airport, I passed a man I recognized…a speaker that was going to be at Resolved, CJ Mahaney. I knew that he would have to be on our flight. Mom encouraged me to talk to him, and tell him why we were going to the conference. I kept saying, “Nooo, I don’t want to bother him! I just can’t!” Mom kept telling me that I needed to give him the letter to Pastor John, because we knew they would be seeing each other. She said if CJ Mahaney was sitting right in front, right behind, or right beside us on the plane I HAD to talk to him. I finally agreed. As we were waiting for our group to be called to board the plane to Palm Springs, we knew our group was last. CJ Mahaney and his assistant kept sitting and sitting, and we realized that Mom, me, CJ, and his assistant, Tony were the only ones that were in the last group. They were right in front of us as we were boarding the plane! So, I of course knew what I had to do. I introduced myself to CJ and his assistant and we continued to tell them a bit of our story and why we were going to the conference. CJ and Tony were so touched that they took the letter and my contact information and told us that this trip was providential for us. 

I was contacted by CJ’s assistant, Tony the next day by text message asking if CJ could share our story with the conference before he spoke that evening. We were so honored and humbled, and couldn’t believe this was happening. That night, before CJ spoke, he shared with the conference (there were over 3,000 people in attendance) that he had met us on the plane, shared our story of losing my dad after two heart transplants, and about the letter to John. CJ had Mom and I stand up in the crowd and he prayed for us. After CJ finished speaking, we had so many people from the conference come up to us and comfort us and just love us. It was amazing! The next day, we had a lady introduce herself to us as a secretary at Grace to You (John MacArthur’s radio ministry) who had received two letters about Dad (one from Kohl Caraway and one from Nancy, one of Dad’s transplant nurses). This secretary, Catherine, had watched Dad’s testimony on DVD and she remembered his story well. She and her friend Hannah spent the rest of the conference with us and all became great friends! The Sunday night of the conference, CJ Mahaney gave our letter to John MacArthur and during one of the breaks between speaking sessions, he introduced us to Pastor John. It was a surreal moment for both of us and the rest of the trip Mom and I kept saying, “Is this really happening?!” We still are so amazed at how the Lord orchestrated the entire trip and how blessed our time was there. The only down side was that before the very last speaking session (it was CJ Mahaney) we found out our entire flight was canceled for the next day and that if we were to keep our carrier, we wouldn’t leave for 4 more days because all flights were booked! So, we had to spend almost the entire last session booking another flight and had to miss CJ Mahaney speaking! Fortunately, Resolved records all of their sessions and posts them on their website for free download. The entire conference was incredible and I would encourage everyone to listen to the sermons we heard there. 

Here is a link to the whole conference:http://www.resolved.org/
Go to the left-hand side of the page and you can download the audio or video sessions of the conference. If you download CJ, please do the video because he preaches with such passion and enthusiasm you cannot help but love him to pieces! Also I would encourage anyone who wants to download some wonderful worship music look up Enfield and Sovereign Grace Music on iTunes. Amazing!!

I just want to thank everyone who is continuing to pray for my family. We are still grieving, but we are comforted by the hope that is in Christ Jesus alone. This Wednesday would be Dad’s 47th birthday. Another hard day. We love you all!!


Jill & Tammy









 June 12 at 11:44pm

Five months. Even after Dad’s sickness had taken its toll on our family time and again, I couldn’t have imagined what it would be like not to see his face or hear his voice for five months. We accept that we’ll never see him again on this earth, but it’s almost too hard to think about. I can still see him sitting in the living room watching ESPN. I can still hear his voice talking on the phone. Still so hard for us.

This past month Caleb visited his daddy’s grave for the first time since January. As he stepped out to look at all the flowers on the ground he turned to Mom and me and said, “Someday we have to go to Heaven to be with Jesus!” Then he gave us a thumbs up with both of his hands, something he and his daddy always did. He also told me a cute story during school one day. He said that Mrs. Melissa (his occupational therapist) had told him that she made chocolate gravy. Caleb’s never had chocolate gravy and he thought the idea of chocolate and gravy together was pretty silly. But he told me, “Jesus told daddy about the chocolate gravy, and he just couldn’t believe it!” Caleb also asked to buy his dad a Father’s Day card to take to his grave. He’s coping, in his own little ways.

I turned 25 without my daddy. It was a sad day for me, but a good day, too. I was reminded that God has blessed me with such wonderful family and friends, and for that I’m thankful. 

We are going to see John MacArthur in two weeks and we are so excited! Please pray that the Lord blesses our trip and our time at the Resolved Conference. 

The Foundation is officially set up and ready to go! We are excited and are still meeting to plan details. As soon as the webpage is finished and I have the facebook fan page done, I will send out links!

Lots of tough firsts will be coming up for us soon: Father’s Day, Mom’s birthday, 6th months since his left us, and Dad’s birthday. Please, please keep us in your prayers.

“For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us. We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed.” 

2 Corinthians 4:6-9






May 13 at 12:34am

Four months ago our lives were forever changed. We are still getting accustomed to this new “normal.” Not only is the way we live our lives forever changed, we as people are forever changed as well. We view everything through a new set of “lenses,” eternal lenses. 

In the past month we were excited to be apart of the Baptist Health Transplant Services team that walked for the American Heart Association’s Heart Walk. Their team was in honor of Dad, and we were thrilled to wear our beautiful “Team Johnson” shirts. We had a wonderful time with friends from Baptist and were so glad we got to spend the morning walking with them!

Mom and I went to a Women of Joy Conference in Branson a few weeks ago with friends. The most touching moment for me was when Steven Curtis Chapman talked about losing his sweet daughter 2 years ago. When he first came on stage it looked as if he had been crying, and indeed he had. He said it had been a hard day for him. His brutal honesty was almost comforting, knowing that the pain we feel is normal and that the emotions can come without warning. Simply finding a piece of paper with Dad’s handwriting on it evokes a wave of raw sadness. Mom finding a razor in one of his travel bags with shaven whiskers still in it. Feeling the imprint of his foot in a tennis shoe. Smelling a hat that he wore in the hospital that still smells like him. All of these things are bittersweet reminders of our lives without him. 

The Kevin Wade Johnson Foundation is still in the works. Paperwork is still getting processed and a website is now being made. We are excited with what the Lord will do through the foundation. Please pray that everything goes well with this! 

Many people ask how Caleb is doing through all of this, and like us, he is making it the best he can. He really hates to see us cry, and one evening as Mom was crying he hugged her and said, “I’ll take care of you, Mom.” The other night he prayed that his “Mom would not be so sad.” We want him to know that it’s normal for us to be sad, but I know it’s so very hard for him to see us this way. Mother’s Day was especially a hard day for us all. Dad was always such a thoughtful person when it came to special days and holidays. He ALWAYS made sure I had my momma something on days special for her, and he was so good to remember his own mom, as well. That was just my dad. He really cared about those around them, and always tried to make others feel special. 

We have a few trips planned for the summer…we are going to hear Dad’s favorite preacher, John MacArthur at the end of June in California. We are so excited to finally see the man who ministered to us through his sermons and his writings for the past four years, even though he doesn’t even know it! Dad talked about going to see John MacArthur many times, so this will be a very special trip for us. 

We do ask for your continued prayers. As we’ve been told, this doesn’t get easier anytime soon. We trust the Lord daily and are leaning on HIS understanding, because this may never “make sense” to us while we are here on Earth. 
As Jay texted us this morning to encourage us with this verse, we hope to encourage you as well. 

Hebrews 12:2
“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”






April 13 at 12:02am


Dear Friends,

Losing someone so close, so vital to your everyday life takes time to process the “realness” of it all. Mom and I wish that losing Dad were a bad dream, a nightmare that we could wake up from and be thankful that it wasn’t reality. But our reality is that he’s just not here. We know he really is somewhere else, in Heaven; we know he’s with our Lord. But our hearts are still breaking. We miss him so.

Three months seems almost an eternity since we have seen him, however time has been on fast-forward with the whirlwind of our busy calendars. We are staying “on the go,” taking care of neglected appointments that have been put on the back burner for the past four years. We also had a wonderful trip to the Dominican Republic, which was emotional, powerful, and healing for us. 

Dad had planned this trip (which would have been his ump-teenth, I am not sure how many times he went!) back in November. He wanted the supporters of Jay’s pastors to see Jay’s ministry again, fellowship with Jay, and encourage all of them. Mom and I knew after Dad left us that we had to continue our plans for the Dominican trip. We knew we had to go back and see Jay, Dad’s partner in ministry, brother in Christ, and precious friend. We wanted to see the ministry that Dad partnered in, see the people who had prayed so hard for his healing and for us, and just be in the country that he loved so much. 

Mom and I knew going down there that Jay wanted to have a memorial service for my dad. Jay did not get to attend the funeral as his Visa couldn’t be renewed after 9-11 and the process takes months. Jay and his churches wanted to honor Dad’s memory so we knew that on the Sunday after we arrived our church service would be in memory of him. The church service was supposed to start around 10 in the morning; however, American Airlines stalled our group’s second plane in Dallas for almost 3 hours so they missed their flight from Miami to the DR. Blane was on the stalled plane and he was part of the service so Jay postponed the service until 3 PM. Jay had bussed around 800 church members (Jay had only expected around 400!) from the sugar cane villages into his hometown for the service and they waited there from 9 AM until 3 PM! It was amazing to see the fruits of Jay’s ministry as we walked into the church building for the service. Mom and I cried throughout the whole thing! We received a Dominican flag and a Spanish Bible from the churches and Blane’s family received the Dominican national emblem. Jay considered my dad a patriot of his country and wanted to show us how special Dad was to their ministry. I spoke at the service, telling the church members how honored and humbled we were for their love and prayers. Blane also spoke, and Jay gave a sermon (in Spanish of course!). People were saved and came forward after the service! It was quite incredible, to say the least.

The rest of the trip was just as incredible. We met with the pastors of the churches Jay has planted in the sugar cane villages and also with their wives. The ladies on the trip got to take the pastors’ wives shopping (shopping for the FIRST time!) to let them buy anything they needed or wanted. I know we will NEVER forget that day! We also spent time in an orphanage the next morning and traveled to the sugar cane village where Jay’s ministry all began in August of 1998 (Mom, Dad, and I were there at that village on our very first Dominican trip). 

Our journey to see Jay and his sweet wife Mely was a very special one for us, personally. They have prayed more than we can imagine over the past four years and we know that because of their faithfulness Dad was with us for little longer than he would have been without them. We cried with them, we laughed we them, we REMEMBERED with them. As we hurt here in Melbourne, Arkansas, we know they are hurting in San Pedro de Macoris, Dominican Republic. They need your precious prayers as well. Mom and I will continue in the ministry that Dad was apart of and look so forward to seeing them again!

This weekend is the American Heart Association’s Heart Walk in Little Rock. Baptist’s team is in honor of Dad this year and we have been told that 70 people from Baptist have joined the team! We are so humbled and cannot wait to walk with some of our favorite folks! Our cousin Gaila started a team in honor of Dad for Bad Boy Mowers (his place of employment) and will also be walking with others Saturday. I’ve heard that Gaila still has t-shirts…!

We look forward to the progression of the Kevin Wade Johnson Foundation and we will update more about that as it gets started. Once again, thank you for your continuous prayers and encouragement. Facing life is so hard, but we are taking it one day at a time. The Lord is our strength. In Him, “we live and move and have our being.” 

Con Amor en Jesus,

Jill and Tammy (and Caleb, too










March 13 at 1:30am 


Sitting here as the minutes tick down until midnight, we are reminded with our tears once again just how much we miss him. There are so many things we wish he was here to see and experience right now. We wish we could tell him everything that has happened in the last two months, and since we cannot, we will share it all with you . 

There have been so many “firsts” in the last month. We went to church for the first time without Kevin, and even though it was hard, we decided to sit where we always sat with him. It was a similar feeling to returning home on the morning of his death. He wasn’t there beside us where he was supposed to be, but we know we have to go on, and so we did. We went to our first basketball game, his game, the game he loved so dearly. We watched Emily, his niece, win the regional finals, and it was almost like we could hear him coaching from the stands and cheering her on. We moved the furniture in our living room from the arrangement that we’ve had the last 9 years. His recliner sat in direct view of the TV and we were not allowed to move it because it was the “ideal TV watching spot!” The empty, oversized recliner was a very hard reminder for us and so we moved it to the opposite side of the living room. It has been a good change. We sold our Yukon Denali SUV to one of Kevin’s friends that he worked with at Bad Boy. It was hard letting go of the vehicle that Kevin and I (Tammy) picked out together, however, there were so many bad memories of loading it up to head to the hospital. We also sold Kevin’s truck that we had bought this past October. We will also be going to the Dominican Republic for the first time without Kevin on the 20th. We are so excited to see our friends and prayer warriors, Jay and Mely, but we know this will be a very emotional trip for us all. Kevin was a part of Jay’s ministry for over 12 years and he loved that country as his own. Please keep us in your prayers as we go on this trip. Facing each first has been difficult, but it is something we know we will continue to do with the Lord’s help.

It seems that our house even misses Kevin. Everything seems to be tearing up or not working properly since he left us! Our fairly new living room TV that Kevin LOVED, has decided to stop coming on. Our internet stopped working off and on for days. My (Jill’s) SUV wouldn’t start for several days and we had to get new tires. The huge living room clock that hangs 15 ft. high stopped working. My (Tammy’s) cell phone stopped working so now I am using Kevin’s. It seems that every light bulb in the house has had to be changed all at once. My (Jill’s) email and facebook were hacked into and the passwords were changed so I didn’t have access to my account for a few days. I (Tammy) was called for jury duty, yet the judge graciously let me off the hook! Everything is a reminder that Kevin is not here to fix it for us, like he always did. 

Kevin’s bosses and partners, Robert Foster and Phil Pulley, have decided to start a foundation in Kevin’s honor. Kevin’s good friend Herb Wilson (also works at Bad Boy), who was a speaker at his funeral will become a full time evangelist for the Kevin Wade Johnson Foundation, speaking in Kevin’s honor. Proceeds will benefit Jay Munoz Ministries in the Dominican Republic. We can give more details as the foundation begins to unfold. We are so excited that through such a tragedy, the gospel will be shared and our God will be glorified. We know that the Lord doesn’t need us, nor did he need Kevin to do His work. God doesn’t need us, but he wants us. And we want to say to Him “Here I am, send me!”

We are excited that our friends at Baptist Health have decided that their American Heart Association “Heart Walk” will be done in Kevin’s honor this year. It’s a 3 mile fundraiser walk down by the Arkansas River in Little Rock on April 17th and we will be joining the Baptist Health team on the walk. We are so grateful for our family at Baptist who have helped us through the past four years. We know Kevin would be so humbled by this!

We know that missing Kevin will get harder before it gets easier. We know that it is a long road ahead of us and we welcome the tears that fall. So many of you have asked what you can do to help us and we feel the best thing you can do is to mourn with us. The Bible states in Romans 12:15 to “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” God will comfort us all as we mourn together for the life we loved. There are moments that we have a hard time understanding why all of this has happened, but the Lord doesn’t have to tell us why. What He has revealed to us is that HE is in control, and HE will work everything out for good and His glory. During our times of unbearable grief we do feel your prayers, and they help give us peace. Thank you, for every word you’ve uttered to our Savior on our behalf. We know the Lord hears you, and we feel His mercy new every day. We love you all!

--Tammy and Jill (and Caleb, too!)

We’ll leave you with the verse that Baptist Health is putting on the t-shirts for the Heart Walk. It was Kevin’s favorite.

2 Chronicles 16:9
“For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him...”










February 13 at 12:24am 


Hello dear friends,

As we sit here tonight, we are remembering the final moments we spent with our Kevin one month ago. We cannot believe it has already been one whole month since seeing his sweet face, but we are confident that we are now one month closer to seeing him in eternity. Each day we wake up is a day closer to seeing our Lord and Kevin face to face. 

Although being home is a comfort, everywhere and everything here reminds us of him. The reminders are good, but they are also sad. Pictures, pictures, and more pictures are vivid memories of the time we were blessed to have together. Since his sickness, Kevin had bought a small voice recorder to record thoughts in the hospital. He had uploaded all of his voice recordings to iTunes back in July. One of the voice recordings is an accidental three hour recording of him working at Bad Boy. It was so wonderful to hear him just doing “normal” things! 

His shoes, his clothes, his toothbrush are all in the exact place he left them when he went into the hospital on December 9th. It feels as if all of his things are waiting for him to come back, waiting to be used and worn only by him. But we know he’s not coming back, and that life, as hard as it is, must go on. Our lives are definitely forever changed. We’ve had to do many difficult things, from picking out a casket to taking his name off of legal documents. We are still getting medical bills, a harsh reminder of all he went through his last month on Earth. 

The grieving process is a spiritual process. As hard as this is for us as a family, we know it is normal for us to feel this way. Although we miss him more than words can describe, we want to grieve for him. We feel our sadness is the natural way for the Lord to heal us. We each grieve in our own ways. Many friends of Kevin have called his cell phone just to hear his voice say, “This is Kevin, thanking God for another great day! Leave a message!” Caleb has called many times, and left messages, telling his daddy what he’s done during the day. Caleb grieves very privately, and it breaks our hearts to see how badly he is hurting. The day of Kevin’s death, Caleb told us, “Can we please call Jesus and tell Him to send my daddy back?” Oh, how we wish we could, Caleb! 

Despite all of the tears, the immense sadness, the emptiness in our home, we have hope. We have the hope that Kevin so often spoke of, that this really isn’t the end and that we really aren’t home yet. Our God is the protector of the widows and the Father to the fatherless. He is our Redeemer, and He is faithful. 

God has used all of you, all of your prayers, comments, encouragement to help comfort us during this time. We truly do not know how to thank each and every one of you. For those who came to the visitation and/or funeral, thank you. We were amazed at the outpouring of our family, friends, and community. We hope you were blessed by the service, as we know that is what Kevin would have wanted more than anything. We’ve seen and heard from so many of you that have been touched by Kevin’s life and testimony in some way. Many, we had no idea about! We thought Kevin was special because he belonged to us, but we are now seeing how special he was to everyone else. How humbling, and what a blessing! Thank you to those who have shared your own grief from losing the ones you loved so dearly. We know we are not alone. 

We love you all, and ask for your continued prayers as we are learning to live life without him. 

Love in Christ,
Tammy and Jill

"But we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve as do the rest who have no hope. 
For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus. For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we shall always be with the Lord. Therefore comfort one another with these words."
1 Thessalonias 4:13-18